


One Step at a Time

by whimsicalwombat



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Gen, awkward Aram is awkward, post 4x09 one shot, when these two try to swap relationship advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalwombat/pseuds/whimsicalwombat
Summary: Aram turns up suddenly with a gift for Agnes, while Liz happens to be out. He's left with only Tom to greet him, and so they end up talking about work, or more specifically... One person at work.Based on the prompt of Tom asking Aram how things are going with Samar, and Aram still trying to deal with it all.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takada_Saiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takada_Saiko/gifts).



> Forgive me, I don't normally write Tom in a whole lot of detail so I'm not sure if this is 100% in character, but I tried. Hopefully it's close.

The glittery, purple gift bag was clutched tightly in Aram's hand as he approached the apartment building. He clutched it tighter still, without even realising it, as he entered the building and made his way towards the elevator. He was nervous or rather, awkward somewhat, about the procedure or etiquette he was supposed to be following. Agnes had been born months ago now, but between Liz's faked death, Agnes' kidnapping, and everything that had happened with Kirk, the brief moment of her christening had been too sudden for anyone to really have the opportunity to give her any kind of gift. But Aram was certain; _you were supposed to give a baby a gift when they were born, right?_  

That was what had him making such an impromptu stop at Liz and Tom's new apartment, purple gift bag grasped so tightly in hand.  

It seemed wrong not to present his little goddaughter with _something_... But at the same time, bringing it now, months later, also felt not quite right. Aram tried to shake the idea from his brain as he rode the elevator up to the fourth floor; finally, Liz and Tom had their own place and as far as he knew, the unpacking was just about done. Now could be as good a time as any to bring along a gift. If anything, it seemed like the best time, really. Perhaps he was just thinking too much into it and worrying himself. That wasn't exactly uncommon.  

The purple glitter was beginning to rub off the bag and stick to Aram's palm by the time he knocked on the door.

'Aram?' Tom's voice jolted Aram from his mind's anxious wanderings when the door finally opened. Tom broke into a curious but warm smile, surprised to see Aram there, unannounced, but pleased all the same; 'hey man, come on in.' He stood back from the door, holding it open so that Aram could step inside and he did so, gazing around the new apartment all the while. 'Liz is out at the moment,' Tom added, as Aram followed him inside, 'Reddington called about something he wanted to discuss with her, but she should be back soon... Can I get you something?' Aram blinked, processing Tom's words for a second; _Liz was out at the moment._ That left Tom the only one there with Agnes. Tom, the man Aram didn't know nearly as well, was the one he had to explain his odd gift timing to, not Liz. Aram shifted awkwardly on his feet, instantly flashing back to their meeting next to his grandfather's car before the wedding, to Agnes' christening, and then to working briefly with Tom in the Post Office while Liz was in Cuba. That was about it for his interactions with the man now standing in front of him, offering him a glass of water, without Liz being present as some kind of buffer to get them beyond introductions and small talk.    
'Uh,' Aram began, trying once again to shake himself back into functional conversation mode; 'I'm ok thanks.' Tom nodded, and left the glass on the counter, before ducking back around into the living room where Agnes was gurgling happily in her bouncer. Aram grinned softly as Tom picked her up and held her next to him. 'Actually, I just thought I'd stop by to drop this off-' Aram held up the gift bag for Tom to see, ignoring the glitter now falling free from his palm '-I know it's late, but I wanted to get her something when she was born.' 

Tom blinked for a second, then broke into yet another grin. He reached out towards Aram, quickly swapping baby for gift bag with him. Aram took Agnes into his arms, bouncing her gently as she smiled up at him and ran her tiny hands along his stubbled jaw. Whether Tom was just rolling with the situation to try and ease his awkwardness, or whether he was just that genuinely enthusiastic to see him, Aram wasn't sure... But nonetheless, having Agnes so contently in his arms and watching Tom peer curiously into the purple bag made some of the awkward feeling begin to fade.  

Tom instantly began to chuckle as he saw what was inside. 

'This is going to look great on her,' he mused, pulling from the bag a white onesie with black edging, and patches on the chest and sleeves that bore the American flag, and the NASA logo, among other things. In short, it was a onesie designed to look exactly like an astronaut space suit –and it came from the gift shop at the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. Aram shuffled awkwardly on his feet again, and gently shifted Agnes in his arms, suddenly doubting his choice in gift. Perhaps he had just been overcome by the novelty of it when he passed it in the shop. In fact, Aram was surprised he hadn't seen it there before in previous visits to the museum, but then again... He'd never had reason to notice the baby things in any kind of novelty gift shop before –after all, so few of his colleagues, friends and family had young children- but now it seemed he noticed them everywhere, and couldn't help but wonder if Agnes would enjoy them too.  

'You know, I remember seeing these in the store there, once. Back when I used to teach fourth grade, I took the kids to the Smithsonian museums a couple of times,' Tom continued, his eyes crinkling with amusement and approval as he looked the onesie up and down, taking it in. Aram's eyes widened slightly; for a second there he had also wondered all of a sudden if the choice in onesie also made him look even more of a nerd than he was, given where it came from... But it seemed Tom was totally unfazed –and if anything, he really did find it as amusing as he claimed. 'They loved the dinosaur skeletons at the Natural History museum, but I always thought the Air and Space museum was cooler.' Tom's gaze rose to meet Aram's, then gave an awkward, sheepish grin of his own. He knew that references to that time were sometimes touchy with Liz's colleagues, but in this case he couldn't stop it from slipping out. Tom reached forwards again, holding the onesie out to Agnes in Aram's arms, to check it for size. 'What do you think, Agnes?' He chuckled to her; 'you want to be a captain or something for NASA one day?' Tom glanced back to Aram again, shrugging sheepishly at the other's man's continued, nervous silence; 'Sorry,' he added. 'Dad talk. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to lose the skill of talking to actual adults, you know?' 

Finally, Aram broke into a lopsided grin of his own, as he watched Tom tuck the onesie back into the purple bag, then set it down on the counter for Liz to see when she came home.  

'Soooo...' Tom tried to make some kind of small talk beyond awkward dad talk that Aram would actually have a frame of reference for; 'how's work?'   
'Well, Reddington still brings us cases,' Aram began slowly. Tom gave a wry smile.    
'Not that part, I hear that from Liz,' he mused. The ghost of a knowing smile began to tug at his lips; 'how is it for you?'   
'Besides everything that happened with Elise...' Aram furrowed his brow, trying to push that particular memory from his mind; 'I guess it's the same as usual.'   
'...And Samar?' Tom gently prompted, that knowing look now extending to one eyebrow slowly rising; 'you told her how you feel, yet?'   
'That's complicated, you wouldn't understand,' Aram said quickly, shaking his head.   
'That's what you said last time, man.'   
'Now it's even more complicated.' 

'What's stopping you?' Tom asked simply. 'Are you trying to punish her for trying to do her job for both agencies? Or are you trying to punish yourself for letting Elise get to you when you think you should have been smarter than that?' Tom shook his head; between Bud, Reddington, and his own feelings for Liz, Tom knew all too well the difficultly of trying to find a balance in serving more than one master... Of sorts, anyway. He also knew just how strictly Mossad took loyalty; often even more so than the Bureau. Samar had worked for Mossad first, and essentially had been doomed to try and find the balance in working for both from the moment her position of being 'on loan' from them to the Bureau had been created. It was inevitable that at some point, she would be stuck with conflicting orders from the two and then forced to decide how to go about following them... And while losing her position on the taskforce mean she would just go straight back to Mossad alone, losing her job with Mossad meant losing the on loan position to the task force all at the same time. It was a delicate balance she had to seek between the two, but it didn't surprise Tom at all that the end result would make some members of the taskforce bristle either.  

'The former isn't going to stop how you feel about her, it'll only make you both hurt more. And the latter... Most people don't see that kind of thing coming. How else do you think it happens to so many people?' Tom continued. He gritted his teeth for a moment; hoping that Aram wasn't suddenly comparing him and Liz to what Elise had done. He understood why some people drew a more general comparison –hired guns infiltrating the lives of others to search for information- but in truth it was so much more complicated than that. He understood why Aram could be punishing himself; after all, Tom had been _trained_ to do the exact same thing as Elise and knew precisely how easy it could be... But it wasn't the same. He cared deeply for Liz in ways he was never supposed to care for a mark, in ways that few people trained the same as him ever felt for any mark... And in ways, that Tom was sure Samar cared for Aram too, despite the conflicts of her job that meant she couldn’t always be loyal solely to the taskforce the way she sometimes wished she could be. 'Believe me, I get it,' Tom sighed in conclusion.  

Silence fell between them for a moment as Aram took it all in. The tangling of love and work, for both of them and their respective situations wasn't the same, but the frustration and the struggle to make sense of it and find the right way to move forward in spite of the tangling mess... Now that was a matter where they could relate.  

'How do you suddenly go from...' Aram cautiously broke the silence, gazing curiously at Agnes nuzzling contently into his shoulder. ' _That_ life, to this?' Tom's gaze snapped to his at the question that so many people thought, but not everyone dared to voice; it was even one he had wondered himself too, at least once. But Aram's voice was different. It wasn't judgemental -not that Aram could ever really be considered judgemental in the slightest. Instead it was one of simple, honest to goodness curiosity.   
'I take it one step at a time.' Tom gave a short, contemplative nod as if to emphasize his point. Liz had given him a chance, one that many disagreed with, but it was a chance all the same... And Tom was determined not to screw it up. After all, it meant too much. 'You should tell Samar how you feel. Or at least, try to stop punishing yourself, and then go from there.' 

'It's not always that simple,' Aram murmured back. He was all too nervous, and all too raw still. What happened with Elise had not only embarrassed him, but scared him too. He had been trying to get past his feelings for Samar when he met Elise, believing that his dream of Samar could never be anything more than a fantasy. Elise had exploited that... And in the end, Aram's feelings for Samar remained as strong as ever. Only now, the debacle with her trying to work both Mossad and the Bureau right in the aftermath of it all, had Aram's brain running in terrified circles. He knew and understood the reality of the job she was stuck with and the past that haunted her, but that didn't stop those awful voices of doubt from rearing their ugly heads and wondering if it meant she would never truly let him in... Or if that inner fire that drove her forwards in spite of it all –and that Aram never expected her to give up in favour of a typical family life at home- meant that she wouldn't even allow herself a relationship without one foot always halfway out the door. All he wanted was her –with all her fire and fears and everything else for that matter- but he needed for them to be able to trust each other, to let each other in, and to be ready for the whirlwind it could become.  

But Aram wasn't sure that he was ready... And he wasn't sure Samar was either.  

Tom simply offered a soft smile as he responded;   
'I know, but honesty's a good start. It's not always easy but like I said; one step at a time.'

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, that astronaut onesie actually does exist. I bought it during my recent travels for my fairy godbaby, which is where the inspiration came from. (Yes ok, I am kind of nerdy and loved spending a whole day at the Air and Space museum too, ssshhh :P ) I tried to attach a photo here to show what it looks like, but ao3 has decided to be a pin in the butt in that department today. Perhaps It'll work tomorrow. :)


End file.
